Super Mario Bros. (NES, 1985)

One of the first games ever created for the Nintendo Entertainment System, Super Mario Bros. fully introduces us to the Italian plumber, Mario Mario. (Yes, I believe that is his full name.) Mario has appeared in a few games before that, including Donkey Kong and Wrecking Crew. This game shows a whole new adventure for Mario and his brother, Luigi. Sounds cool, huh?

Well, I have to say that this is not one of my favorite games. Saying it completely sucks is a bit of a stretch, but it just didn't strike my fancy. At all. The gameplay is not very good, and I think that the major deal breaker for me is that even if you are in World 8, Level 4 (final castle!!!!), if you die, you start all the way over at the very beginning of the game. Screw that. (The All Stars version remedies this, but I'm not talking about that version right now.) Anyways, without further ado....

Story

Ok, so the story is pretty simple, not much to talk about. Apparently there is this evil turtle dragon dude named King Koopa (known today as Bowser) who kidnapped Princess Toadstool (known today as Princess Peach). Mario goes through several overworlds and jumps on and shoots fireballs at a garden variety of bad guys, apparently King Koopa's henchmen. After three overworlds (and there is an occasional sewer or underwater level thrown into the mix) Mario goes into a fortress. He confronts King Koopa...who turns out to just be a King Koopa imposter, and then finds out after rescuing a toadstool lacky, that "Our Princess is in another castle!" (FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU---------!!) So Mario does that six more times, and then he FINALLY takes down the real King Koopa, and actually finds the Princess! Yay. Ok, so yeah, the story is a frustrating one for our mustachioed hero, and very simple, which seems to be the norm for most NES titles, if there even is a story. Of course, Mario games were never meant to be gripping, story-wise.

ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME???!!!!????!!!??

Gameplay

Ok, so this is where I think the game fails miserably. It's a standard sidescroller (which is fine), but you can only go right. Once the frames pass a certain point, you cannot go back. It's really frustrating when you try to catch a much-needed power mushroom or 1up. The controls are clunky as well, since Mario can be difficult to control, and you cannot change his direction in midair, which makes platforming levels really difficult. I'm of course comparing these controls to the controls in Metroid, which was released a year later, and those controls were much smoother. Even without comparing it to the awesome Metroid, the controls still kinda suck. What really kills it for me is, as I mentioned before, the fact that if you die (no matter how far along in the game you are) you start the whole game over. I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. Maybe it's just because of technological limitations, but maybe (similarly to Metroid), if we died, we should start at the beginning of the level, or at least the world. That would make it suck less.

I could really use those Hi-jump boots right about now...

Graphics

Ok, so yeah, this game came out in 1985, where there were limitations. The graphics are ok, I guess. (Again, I'm comparing it to Metroid, which came out just a year later). The graphics aren't really detailed and aren't really vibrant. Mario himself, looked way different from the adorable, pot-bellied, red and blue-wearing plumber we know and love today. (Of course Samus really wasn't much better in her NES game, admittedly.) Also, Bowser was just goofy looking. Somehow, Peach went from bright red hair to the 80's style blonde hair that she sports today. Aside from comparing it to Metroid, the graphics were pretty decent. I would not call them fantastic or even great by any means.

Are those vanilla ice cream pops?

Music/Sound

Ok, so this is the strong point of the game, in my opinion. The game starts you off with a catchy tune, which it's safe to assume that all of you know what I'm talking about. It's a fan favorite and it's pretty much the overall theme of the Mario series to this day. Several adaptations of this song are used in different Mario games. There is also the ambient underworld/sewer theme, which is also a fan favorite with different versions used in so many different Mario games. The fortress theme is a cool sounding, intense, foreboding tune. (Which I think is very similar to Ridley's lair in Metroid, but not quite as good.)

As for sound effects, they aren't too bad. On the plus side, there is no annoying low health alarm. I wouldn't consider any of the sound effects to really be noteworthy, but they aren't irritating, which counts for a good bit.

Overall

Ok, so it's pretty obvious that I don't care for this game. Good music hardly makes for a good game. Gameplay is a huge factor in determining how good a game is. Maybe it's good for a time killer, but I'd recommend playing the All-Star version if you care to try to beat the game (which I haven't, but I was RIGHT THERE!!!) since it has save files. Even in that version, there is a level in world 8 that is super difficult, and by the time you get to Bowser, you are little Mario. Not good! (Speaking from personal experience.)

Here are the cons:
Clunky controls.
Mario doesn't move very well.
No backtracking of any kind, which sucks when trying to chase down a mushroom or 1up.
If you die, you start the game all the way over, no matter how far into it you are. HUGE deal breaker.

Rating

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4 out of 10. Sorry, but having to start a game all the way over is a really bad thing. Even if that weren't an issue, I'd give it a 5.5 at the highest. It's really not all that fun to me.

Good Riddance.